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Monday, December 1, 2008

Coalition attacks the slapstick deficit

If Stephen Harper had a sense of humor (okay, we're talking science fiction here) he would be making every effort to grease the newly-formed federal coalition of Liberals, NDP and Bloc Quebecois into the seat of power.

I mean, imagine the three parties trying to draft policy when all they share is a vague but intense dislike of things conservative! And the economy is tanking! And the coalition needs EVERY member to keep Harper's near-majority at bay -- thus empowering all 54 nano-rumps in the tenuous coalition, emboldening each to get their doctrinal shorts in a knot: "Meet our demands! -- or three or four MPs will cross the floor and it's all over!"

As to concrete measures --bailouts? Uh...

By what criteria? Um...

Maybe just issue shovels to all Treasury employees? Ah.. er...

No, Harper should just saddle up his best gelding from the speechwriter-barn and tell his kept intellectual to compose a good Churchillian resignation speech full of rhetorical fire:

"All right you socialists and ragtag leftists! All right, Mr. Dion and the Detachables! Put together your little supergroup and see if you can do any better than we did. Let's see if you can do anything at all!"

You don't need a stock-market lurch to tell you that the result would be an endless parade of program pratfalls, a sort of ideological Three Stooges farce with Ignatieff playing Shemp. (Note how Iggy's initial opposition to the coalition collapsed faster than his initial indifference to the Lebanon war).

Within three weeks Canadians would be gasping with laughter and begging Stephen Harper to bring back his tight-lipped sourpuss and save us all from respiratory failure.

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